Making a list and checking it twice! Your Next Relationship will be Your Best Relationship

Write the vision and make it plain

What do you really want out of life and/or a relationship; think about that for a moment. That has been ringing in my head for days now and let me tell you why. I remember just going through a divorce and a year and a half later I decided that I was ready for a “real” relationship. Knowing exactly what I didn’t want in a relationship I created a list of everything that I did want and desire within a relationship. I put down all my dislikes on one side and all my likes on the other side.

It took me some time to compile the list because it became very complex once I started thinking about my worth and values, the things you want, need, and desire is very important. Knowing everything I wanted and deserved I believed I could obtain it. This was my only strategy for gaining a better relationship. It is imperative that you understand that I also had to work on myself through this process, to make sure that I was really ready for a relationship.

Sometimes it is easier to point out what you want and don’t want in a man, but what about your flaws, why would a man want to deal with any of your baggage/drama. No one wants to deal with drama so maybe it’s time for you to do a soul search and take inventory of yourself.

You have to do the work, it is imperative that you do.

Never start off a new relationship without breaking soul ties from your previous relationship/s. Do not bring anything or anyone else from your past into this new relationship because eventually there will be a breakdown. If you are still stuck in a past relationship, or a past hurt then maybe right now is not the time for a new relationship. Get yourself together and make sure you are ready for a new future with a new person.

DO THE WORK

After you’ve taken time out and did a little soul searching, then you will be able to compile two lists. One of the things you want and don’t want inside of a relationship, and the other of good and bad traits you do or don’t want in a man.

Start by listing the characteristics that you are looking for within a man on one side. Then list the characteristics that you can live without on the other side. For instance; if you love a man with a sense of humor write that down. Write down all of your likes and wants on the left side, and on the left side write down all of the dislikes. If you’re always happy and optimistic, then you do not want a pessimistic person in your personal life especially a significant other. In this case, opposites does not attract because a pessimistic person will find the bad in every situation which will become very draining, frustrating, and exhausting to a positive person.

After you are done making the list hang it up on your mirror (inside your room), or on your bedroom wall just so that you can see it and read it often. This will allow you to speak what you want into existence several times a day.

Knowing what you want, knowing the person that you need to become, and working toward that dream should be your main focus in life. Nothing else even matters at this point. Just focus on living your best life and do the work in order to manifest it.

God Bless!

Taynia A. Coleman

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

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Marriage: For Better or For Worse

I, (name), take you (name), to be my lawfully wedded (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

Everybody is all for it when everything is smooth sailing. When the finances are just right, the bank account tight, the children are healthy, no one’s arguing and fighting, just contentment. When life falls into place for us we can’t help but be on a natural high because there is no stress, no failure, no pain, no suffering, no tears, everything and everybody is all walking on one accord. As much as we would love for it to stay this way life can happen at any moment. And what I mean by life, it means the roller coaster ride of the ups and downs of life, the tragedies, the attack on our marriages, the family, the silent drug problem, alcohol addiction, gambling, lying, cheating, deceit, your children are acting out, etc. It all can happen at any-time, it all can fall apart at any moment if we let it. Problems that we are dealing with internally, within ourselves can become even bigger if we don’t stop it in its tracks.

Change is inevitable we have to learn to embrace it head-on.

It’s important to stay prayerful and watchful while going through the good and the bad times.

You never know when you will need one of those prayers to pull on.

The bad times within a marriage can take a toll on the entire household.  The children can feel the effects and the stress of the arguments, and more than likely they will begin to act out. The first step is to try your best not to argue in front of the children, whatever it is should be discussed privately. Which is the hardest thing to do sometimes when you have to get things off your chest, but trust; there will be less confusion within the household.

Children should not hear every disagreement between you two. Only bring a situation to them after you and your significant other have come to a conclusion concerning them. By doing this it will not make them feel as though they need to choose a side. Stability is the key to winning in this area if it is an area of concern. Children need stability and consistency.

It is a balancing act especially when children are involved.

It is important to keep an open dialog to stay on track.

When you think about marriage you think of all the pretty things, all the excitement, and happiness but that’s not all marriage is. Can you stand the test of time, when things are turned upside down? Are you only invested in your relationship when everything is good, and not present when it all goes down? This is something to really dig deep and think about for a second. Did your vows mean anything to you at all or did you just say them because it is what’s normal?

In this instance, you should have realized, that it is very imperative to mean what you say and to say what you mean.

Get your vows out and think about what each and every statement mean to you. Try to figure out if you are in this for the long run, or just for the “good time” that don’t last always. Think about if you have your significant other back if they fail to be who you thought they were, or if they are struggling with something eternally. Are you the person that they can trust, the person that will never leave their side. For better or for worse, do you really mean it, it is definitely something to think about.

As always prayer and communication is the key to stand the test of time within any type of relationship. May God Bless Your Union.

God Bless,

Taynia A. Coleman

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur

Website: www.tayniacoleman.com

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

Follow Ms. Taynia on INSTAGRAM

taniya

via Marriage: For Better or For Worse — Get INSPIRED

Daughter of A Daughter 

A daughter of a daughter, a child of a child, my mother had me at the tender age of 15 years old. Coincidentally; her mother, my grandmother (the youngest of her siblings) had her first born at the age of 15 years old as well (talk about family history repeating itself). Being that my mother […]

Blended Families

Some families are created in different ways but are still, in every way, a family

A blended family starts with a couple that comes together with children from a previous relationship. Sometimes they may not have children together, but when the family comes together his children become her (the wife) children, and her children become his (the husband) children. The children now have additional siblings and at first, it may be a bit much or the family can all come together perfectly. It just depends on where everybody is, as far as their thought process. It is important to make sure that everyone understands that they are important in this new family role and that they are all loved the same.

Turn Your House Into A Home for Everyone, and Fill It With Love

pexels-photo-259588Everyone is coming from different backgrounds with different teachings and different experiences. It is important to keep in mind that everyone has to adjust to a new situation, there will be a lot of agreements and disagreements, as you figure out this new life. No one is expected to get everything right, with parenting there are a lot of trial and error that occurs. You are still learning each other and trying to find out what everybody likes are, and what their dislikes are. Golden Rule: Never put pressure on a person, give everyone proper time to get used to the family, and the bonding will start to take place.

Life is what YOU make It

At times I know that it does get hard, especially when teenagers are involved because no one likes change. They are used to having their mom, or their dad to themselves, and now having to share them can be devastating to a child. It could make or break the relationship/family, but the key is to stay strong, stick to what you have developed as a family, and everything will fall into place.

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Being that I am from a blended family, and my family is now becoming a blended family I do have a few tips to offer.

  1. Family meetings are very important. It gives a chance for the parents to lay out the ground rules and get a feel of what everyone is feeling. In this meeting establish that the other adult/parent has the same authority as the other, let it be known that respect is expected on all ends.
  2. Family nights bring on a special bond while having fun. This can be from sitting in the house having movie or game night or finding activities outside of the house.
  3. Keep all lines of communication open and clear. It is important for the parents to be on the same page, and also, it is very important to get the children opinions. If someone is having issues adjusting then it must be brought to the table.
  4. Prayer is always essential; remember a family that prays together stays together.
  5. Always make sure that the children are comfortable with this new life. Take some time out just to hear their thoughts and concerns and come up with ways for everyone to adjust.

God Bless,

Taynia A. Coleman

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur

Website: www.tayniacoleman.com

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

Picture Credits: http://www.unsplash.com

Follow Ms. Taynia on INSTAGRAM

taniya

Relationship Stages: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good Times


Good times are always the best part of every relationship. The fun times are the greatest of all time, it’s a time period that you never want to end. Waking up in pure bliss because your heart is growing fonder for this relationship, falling in love over and over, again. Texting and calling throughout the day to make sure he’s not stressing at work, and him checking on you because he misses you. Being excited to make it home from a long day of work to lay up under bae, cuddle, talk, make sweet love. The sex is bomb because the chemistry between you two are like fireworks. What can top this feeling, nothing! There are no words that can describe this happy feeling in the air, nothing but love and happiness. And then…

The Bad Times

The Bad times don’t last long but they do take a lot out of your relationship. You lose focus on what’s important and how to make your relationship grow. The arguing is as consistent as it would be “in the ugly times” but it’s enough to make you go out and ponder what’s going on. This is a phase of ups and downs, one-moment y’all are cool, and the next your bickering for no real major reason. It just seems like you may need a little “me time ” which for some people getting some fresh air, or going for a walk to help clear your mind will get the job done. A lot of the time we bring home the frustrations of the world home and drop them on our partner’s lap without even knowing it. It’s ok to let him know how your day went, but it’s another to be angry and upset with him because of something your boss said to you.

Home is supposed to be your happy place, where there is peace and serenity. If you feel that you don’t have peace at home, or you all are arguing about the most dumbest thing I would advise you two to come together and have a long talk (without fighting) find out what issues are bothering him and vice versa. You can even pray about it and bring peace back into the atmosphere.

Where there is Love, there is also Peace

The Ugly Times

The Ugly times in a relationship will have you questioning your sanity. It’s worse than the bad times, it’s so much miscommunication that it will start to make you feel sick. Most times you can’t fully get your point across because either it comes out wrong, or it gets taken the wrong way. You began to think is this even worth fighting for, what are we doing, what am I doing?Constantly arguing, not being able to hear each other’s concerns, wants, or needs. On top of all of that, there is minimum to no sex, because of the lost of communication, there is no sex drive only frustration.

Not being able to see eye to eye has to be the worse.

It’s like no matter what you just can’t seem to get along. Every word, and every thought, and every feeling becomes a fight. The disrespect, dishonor is at an all-time low at this stage. Your only focus is to hurt each other with your words and actions something has to give!

Now, it is starting to affect your work, your off,  and everything feels like it’s falling apart. There is no win situation because your world is tumbling down. You began to feel as if you can’t breathe because there is no peace within your home. Something has to change but you don’t know what to change or how to change things. It’s a struggle sometimes, but if your relationship is going to work, you both have to reconnect and do the work apart (working on self), and together (working on the relationship as a whole).

Prayer does change things! This is not just a saying, this is real life situations.

Pray together, go to church together, turn your whole focus back to God, learn how to love each other the right way. God will lead you but you have to be willing to follow. Marriage/pre-marital counseling will always help in order to get the relationship heading in the right direction.

God Bless,

Taynia A. Coleman

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur

Website: www.tayniacoleman.com

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

Picture Credits: http://www.unsplash.com

Follow Ms. Taynia on INSTAGRAM

taniya

Bonding and Praying for Our Daughter’s

A mother is a daughter’s first best friend

One of the first and most important relationships we have in life is with our mother. She cares for you, nurtures you, protects you, and love you; unconditionally. From the womb, she comforts you, calms you, and maybe even sing to you. You feel every emotion that she feels while you’re still inside her womb because at this moment you are one. You are connected and although some relationships change you will always have a special connection with your mother.

Mother and daughter relationship is a special bond that spans the years. Through laughter, worry, smiles and tears. A sense of trust that can’t be broken, a depth of love sometimes unspoken. -Unknown

There are a lot of mother’s and daughter’s with an unbreakable bond, and then there are the not so good mother and daughter type of relationships. It’s sad to see the bond broken between a mother and daughter because the bond is so special. It makes a person wonder what could have caused this type of breakdown within their relationship.

The Reality of it is, is that there are a lot of mother’s that dislike their children because of their child’s father. In their eyes all they can see out of their child is the hurt pressed upon them from their child’s father. It’s not right, and it’s not fair to the child, this type of relationship can bring on psychological problems for both, mother and child. After so long the daughter/child starts to hate their mother for improperly loving them, which can and will bring on a lifetime of pain if no one seeks out help.

As a Mother of three girls myself, I pray for my children all the time. I pray that our relationships stay bonded and that they will always honor me as I honor my mother. I pray for their relationship as sister’s because sisters are important. I pray for us as a unit; as a family.

This is one of the most important relationships that I have because I know that in their hearts they will always love me and they will always cherish our bond. This does not mean that our relationship is perfect, but it is real and it is pure. For a mother to raise daughter’s I know first hand that it is not easy and it does get hard sometimes. Attitudes, pride, disrespect can creep in sometimes but you have to be able to stop that at the door so that the problem won’t escalate.

I made a vow to myself to always be by their side and to always guide them through this life.

No matter what the situation, it may be good or bad they will always have my support. It is always very important to talk to them on their level and to always give the best advice because they depend on you. Though it may not seem like it they are always watching, and listening to everything you say and do. I pray that I never misled them, or misguide them. I always ask God to protect them as any mother would do. I pray for our bond as mother and daughters because it is important to me.

Just a few tips to think about:

1. Always be a listening ear and an open ear to your child.

By showing them that you are trustworthy this will open doors for your relationship and they don’t be so reluctant to come and talk to you.

2. Never make them feel less important to you by never taking time out for them.

3. Check on them just to see how they are doing.

4. Love them wholeheartedly, never take your anger and frustrations out on them. They need you the most!

5. Remind them that they are beautiful, precious, and loved that way they won’t be so shocked when a boy tells them that. It will also give them confidence and it will start to build their self-worth.

6. Last but not least, remember that sometimes as young girls, they just need a hug and kiss to let them know they are adored. Hug your child and let them know everything is alright!

Remember how emotional you were as a girl? Learn to compromise and be understanding but please don’t get run over!

God Bless, Taynia

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

Picture Credits: http://www.pexels.com

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taniya

 

Falling In Love; For Real This Time

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Just when I had given up on love, just when I made a commitment to stay focused on me, here comes real love. This love is a love that I have never known, it seems like a fairytale the way my hurt melts looking into his eyes. This love is what I thought I had way back when, but in reality, it doesn’t even compare. No disrespect, but there is a huge difference between someone saying that they love you, and someone actually taking the time out and showing that they love you.

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You see, he will always take the time out, to make sure that you’re safe and secure. You will be able to feel his love miles away because his heart beats that strong for you. It’s an indescribable feeling because it’s something so real.

Once you find real true love you will know because NO-THING can compare

Now I’m not trying to brag, just trying to drop some knowledge to you.

Like Erykah Badu says: Love of my life
You are my friend
Love of my life
A dude I can depend, yeah, yeah Love of my life
Feels like a simple true love, yeah

Real love is out there, you just need to be open to it. You too can find love again. Whatever, you have been through should always be a lesson of what NOT to do, again.

Real Men do still existence we just have to stop going for the first guy that says hello. You’re worth way more than that and you have to know and believe that. Your value is as precious as rubies per Peoverbs 31:10.

Proverbs 31:10

(KJV) 10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

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God created you to be virtuous and to take charge, but also to be soft, gentle, and to be a helpmate to your husband. You can’t be the help he needs if you’re always in charge. You have to know when to turn it off and when to turn it on. What works out in the field will not fly at home, because God called the man to be the head.

Sometimes we have to step aside and let the man lead and guide us.

He is there to protect you, lead you, and guide you. He is there to love you like no one else ever will. If you are not able to let him lead, then maybe you should say a quick prayer and ask for God to lead and guide you. Ask God to show you how to step back and let your husband lead, and TRUST me…God will show you.

Lastly, Ladies, if he is leading you the Godly way, and properly investing into your relationship, then let him stay focused.

God Bless

Ms. Taynia A. Coleman

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur
Picture Credits: http://www.pexels.com

Follow Ms. Taynia on INSTAGRAM

taniya

Relationships: I have changed. He has changed. We are changing.

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At the start of a relationship, everything is new and exciting. You take the time to find out what each other likes and dislikes are, you find out who a person really is. After talking for awhile you find out that you guys have more in common than not in common. You began to fall for one another, hard to the point that you guys talk day and night, and night and day.

Thoughts of him before falling asleep and thoughts of him when waking up, and let’s not mention the thoughts all throughout the day.

Some time has passed and you began to wonder if this will be the person who you will spend your forever with. Everything is loving and wonderful, and then you guys start to evolve together. In love in a total bliss until one day you want more out of life. Your thought process change and you no longer desire the simple things, you no longer want to just be ok with life.

You try to talk to your man and tell him things, you try to tell him your new wants, needs, and desires, but he’s not use to this new you. He doesn’t know how to deal with this new situation.

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All the while inside your starting to see that You no longer like what he likes and vice versa. Your conversations are different, he feels as though you have changed and he is right because you are evolving into the real you. You’ve grown, you no longer want or desire what you use to want. You want more out of life but he has grown content, he doesn’t know anything but the old you.

What do you do?!? That’s a good question because a lot of relationships get stuck at this point and pride gets hurt. Women change and Men change all the time, but if you’re going to stand the test of time you will need to grow TOGETHER.

Keep each other updated, talk about the hard stuff. Sit down and explain to him what you are feeling inside and eventually he will start to feel that same way and maybe even want more than you do. He will always want to see you happy and winning. He will be able to stand by your side and hold you down. He should be your confidant unless he just can’t accept or respect your changes, which in most cases, doesn’t really happen. Unless he never really wanted a future with you in the first place. This transition will separate the real from the fake.

No one stays the same, change is inevitable on this life journey.

He should be evolving or wanting to evolve because he sees how much you have grown. There is nothing better than to change with the love of your life, to want more out of life, and to grow together it is #priceless.

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Remember that if he is not happy for the change or even willing to change with you then you may want to do some inventory. You guys should be on the same page, at the end of the day.

God Bless

Ms. Taynia A. Coleman

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur
Picture Credits: http://www.pexels.com

Follow Ms. Taynia on INSTAGRAM

taniya