A daughter of a daughter, a child of a child, my mother had me at the tender age of 15 years old. Coincidentally; her mother, my grandmother (the youngest of her siblings) had her first born at the age of 15 years old as well (talk about family history repeating itself). Being that my mother was the baby of the bunch she didn’t have a clue on how to raise me, but there we were. Growing up on the East side of Detroit in a house with my grandparents, my mother, her two siblings she had all the help she needed at the time. My grandmother was there to teach her the basics and a lot of it she learned along the way. Back then, it was a real struggle for us.
Growing up we’ve always had a close bond, I don’t know if it was because of the age difference, or if it’s just an unbreakable bond between first-born daughters and their mothers.
A lot of the things we went through brought us closer, which made our bond even stronger. Looking back and appreciating the fact that my mother never gave up on me, and she never gave up on us. If there was something I needed you better believe I got it. I don’t know how she did it, but I do know that God provides, even when we don’t think He is in the mist God is always present.
I lost my father at the age of 2. He was killed right in front of me and my mother. He was gunned down at the playground while laying on a bench on the 4th of July. I can’t seem to remember anything about him or that day, I believe in some way I blocked out that day, and in return, it also took every memory I ever had of him. I only have the memories that people tell me of him.
I have always wondered what my life would have been like if he wasn’t taken away so soon. I believe we would have had a close bond as well, but now I guess I will NEVER really know. There are many questions I have about his life and my life that only he could answer. I will never understand why he was murdered in cold blood because of another man’s pride and ego, but what I do know is that he never got a chance to live his life. He never got a chance to see his children grow up, he never got to see us off to prom, college, relationships or anything. He wasn’t there for advice, he wasn’t there to hug me when I needed a hug, or kiss me on my forehead goodnight. At the end of the day, the only thing I know is that I still have to trust God, that all of this happened for a reason. Maybe it was to birth my pain into purpose…only time will tell.
Rest Peacefully Daddy, My Angel that watches over me….
It’s a little strange to me that I cannot recall the event that took place, the event that left me fatherless. I can’t remember my father’s life being snatched away by a bullet and a gun, but what I can tell you is the void that I have felt in my heart ever since that day has never left…it has always been present. It has always felt like something is and was always missing out of my life, no matter what the situation is. While growing up I was always close to my grandparents on my father side, they made sure that I had everything I needed and more and although, they were no longer together I always spent time with each of them.
Looking back I really miss those days…
Fast forward and A couple of siblings later; my mother got married to the love of her life when I was 7 years old. He came into our lives and stepped up as me and my sibling’s father, he raised us as his own along with his son. God also, blessed my parents with a child of their own, a miracle was born. As we all grew together, we never missed a beat, we always spent time as a family. No, everything was not always perfect, we did have disagreements, but what kid and parent don’t see eye to eye at times? I remember that we would have school activities, games, and concerts and even when our mother was not able to make it, due to work, he was there, always.
I can call my dad for any and everything, and if he can help or just be a listening ear, then that’s what he will do. I love my father and thank God for bringing him into our lives. With him came more structure and balance within our family and it brought my mom a hell of a lot of more peace as we gained a better understanding of God as a family.
I believe that when a step parent enter into a family that there have to be several family talks about the family structure in order for there not to be a breakdown. Be sure to make the children feel like they are involved and have family discussions once or twice a month. Set rules and guidelines, be clear with everyone what their roles and responsibilities are within the household. Family bonding is very important especially when it comes to blending a family together. Take trips, family vacations, game and movie nights, and most importantly laugh likes there is no tomorrow.
When God is involved his grace and his mercy will keep the family strong. When one is down we were always taught to come together and pray, and seek God. Some days I still sit and pray for my family’s protection and guidance, I pray for my brothers and my sister. I love them without a doubt!! We are all destined with a purpose and God will reveal and use them for His purpose.
We are FAMILY!!! Although we maybe miles apart we are still close in heart!
Taynia A. Coleman
Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Life Style/Relationship Blogger, Mommy, and Entrepreneur