Have you ever felt like Mary J. Blige “I’m Goin’ Down”
Time on my hands Since you been away boy
I ain’t got no plans
No no no no
I Felt trapped in a closet, alone with no air to breathe. That’s what I was facing as my divorce was finalized. I didn’t know what to think, where to go, who to talk to, and fore the sake of me what were the people gonna say? I thought it would last forever (in my Keith Sweat voice) but, it didn’t, it was over. Although, I filed for the divorce I felt so empty on the inside, and even though all these people were around me praying for me, I felt lost and ashamed. I had failed at marriage, the only thing I had to start my life over were my 3 beautiful children. When all hope was lost it was one of them that came and kissed the sadness away. I was a mess! That’s, to say the least.
I lost bits and pieces of me, I was shattered, heartbroken, and devastated. I couldn’t understand for the life of me why this happened to me? Out of all people, me?
No one in my family was a divorcee, but then it hit me; when I heard the question thrown back at me. Why not you? Simple, right. God said why not you, He told me that I needed to trust Him because He wouldn’t put more on me than I can bare. I heard all of this while my heart was still scattered with every step I took. I was not able to pick up the pieces, I was no longer naive and trusting, I was damaged. I was broken in spirit walking around like a zombie, hurting and even when I tried to smile tears filled my eyes instead. I couldn’t even pretend anymore.
Something changed on the inside of me…I was completely broken, I was hurting.
It took time to heal those wounds, it took love, faith, dedication, prayer, and to get rebaptized, and delivered from a heart break to be whole, again. Even through all of my mess God never left me, although I turned my back to Him several times He always reminded me how much of a help I would be to someone else. It’s a blessing.
I now look back over my life and I thank God that he delivered me out of that toxic relationship. It wasn’t right for me, we were young, and several events occurred that took a piece of me. It wasn’t healthy and it wasn’t Love!
I’m thankful for the experience because it has opened my eyes up to know what I will and will not accept. It has opened my eyes up to know what I want out of life and out of a relationship.
Sometimes things don’t work out but please don’t hate the person for it. Forgive so that you can free yourself, and ask for forgiveness for the things that you have done. The Bible says we are to walk in forgiveness, especially if we want forgiveness from the Father in Heaven.
Matthew 6:14-15 states 14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
This is a very important principle/key in life and it is to FORGIVE. You must forgive and let it go. It’s not good to hold on to hurt and pain because it will start to cause disease to take over your mind and body.
If you don’t know how to forgive say a quick prayer and ask God to help you.
Ms. Taynia A. Coleman
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