My Pain became My Purpose

January 15, 2013, a lot had changed for me. I DIVORCED a lot of difficult situations in my life. I left behind emotional pain, emotional turmoil, uncertainty, unbalance, depression, sadness, drama, mental and physical abuse, pain, rejection, sickness, and most of all I let go of a toxic marriage. Now, at the time I was going through all of this, I couldn’t see any of that, but today looking back over my life I see it all. I thank God for giving me the strength to find myself again, to find happiness again, to find joy again, and most importantly to find love again.

I was hurting, I was devasted because I couldn’t believe love didn’t love me.

Trapped in my mind, but most of all trapped in my heart along with my emotions. What was I to do in this situation, I couldn’t believe how things took a total turn for the worse. But, this was life, this was my life. This was my story I became torn between doing the right thing or still living a married life as a wife to a man that was already too far gone. I decided to do my own thang and eventually that wasn’t good enough anymore because I still felt an empty void. I searched for myself high and low, but I was nowhere to be found. I became cold and dangerous, I could care less about what was going on around me. There was no peace to be found, I began to drown my sorrows with liquor and wine. It was just me myself and I trying to figure out my next move, my escape, THE plan of action but I came up with nothing. Maybe because I did not want to be looked at as a failure is why I put up with so much. I can’t really tell you why I spent 9 yrs in a marriage that was really over after 3 yrs, but what I can tell you is that I learned a lot about myself and others. A lot about life, relationships and the lack thereof, I learned to depend on God more and to trust Him completely in the darkest time of my life.

I learned to let go of things that no longer serve a purpose for me in my life.

It’s no point of holding on to something that hurt you and brings harm to your body. Just let it go and if it’s meant to be, whatever it is, it will find it’s way back to you.

No drama, no setbacks, no more confusion just peace within my mind. No more staying up late nights concerning myself about someone else. I had to give it all to God, and the moment I fully put my trust in Him I became much clear with my purpose, my vision, and my passion here on earth.

How can you help somebody if you have never experienced anything?

My purpose is to serve others that’s been broken and left to pick up all the pieces. My purpose is to show you how to heal your heart and to love yourself again. My purpose is to show you how important forgiveness is in your life. My purpose is to show you how to turn your pain into your purpose. We were all out on this earth for a reason and I don’t believe it was just to suffer. Whatever you’re going through be sure to learn from it and grow from it.

In my upcoming book An Unnecessary Breakdown Within Your Relationship it will give you the keys to being in a happy space, keys to having a healthy life and keys to having a happy relationship. It will teach you how to forgive and be forgiven. After each chapter, I have included very powerful prayers to pray for yourself and your spouse. If you are going through a rough patch then this book will be for you.

Preorders will be available soon. As always GOD Bless!

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Author, Blogger, Publisher, and Entrepreneur

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

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Marriage: For Better or For Worse

I, (name), take you (name), to be my lawfully wedded (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

Everybody is all for it when everything is smooth sailing. When the finances are just right, the bank account tight, the children are healthy, no one’s arguing and fighting, just contentment. When life falls into place for us we can’t help but be on a natural high because there is no stress, no failure, no pain, no suffering, no tears, everything and everybody is all walking on one accord. As much as we would love for it to stay this way life can happen at any moment. And what I mean by life, it means the roller coaster ride of the ups and downs of life, the tragedies, the attack on our marriages, the family, the silent drug problem, alcohol addiction, gambling, lying, cheating, deceit, your children are acting out, etc. It all can happen at any-time, it all can fall apart at any moment if we let it. Problems that we are dealing with internally, within ourselves can become even bigger if we don’t stop it in its tracks.

Change is inevitable we have to learn to embrace it head-on.

It’s important to stay prayerful and watchful while going through the good and the bad times.

You never know when you will need one of those prayers to pull on.

The bad times within a marriage can take a toll on the entire household.  The children can feel the effects and the stress of the arguments, and more than likely they will begin to act out. The first step is to try your best not to argue in front of the children, whatever it is should be discussed privately. Which is the hardest thing to do sometimes when you have to get things off your chest, but trust; there will be less confusion within the household.

Children should not hear every disagreement between you two. Only bring a situation to them after you and your significant other have come to a conclusion concerning them. By doing this it will not make them feel as though they need to choose a side. Stability is the key to winning in this area if it is an area of concern. Children need stability and consistency.

It is a balancing act especially when children are involved.

It is important to keep an open dialog to stay on track.

When you think about marriage you think of all the pretty things, all the excitement, and happiness but that’s not all marriage is. Can you stand the test of time, when things are turned upside down? Are you only invested in your relationship when everything is good, and not present when it all goes down? This is something to really dig deep and think about for a second. Did your vows mean anything to you at all or did you just say them because it is what’s normal?

In this instance, you should have realized, that it is very imperative to mean what you say and to say what you mean.

Get your vows out and think about what each and every statement mean to you. Try to figure out if you are in this for the long run, or just for the “good time” that don’t last always. Think about if you have your significant other back if they fail to be who you thought they were, or if they are struggling with something eternally. Are you the person that they can trust, the person that will never leave their side. For better or for worse, do you really mean it, it is definitely something to think about.

As always prayer and communication is the key to stand the test of time within any type of relationship. May God Bless Your Union.

God Bless,

Taynia A. Coleman

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur

Website: www.tayniacoleman.com

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

Follow Ms. Taynia on INSTAGRAM

taniya

via Marriage: For Better or For Worse — Get INSPIRED

Relationship Stages: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good Times


Good times are always the best part of every relationship. The fun times are the greatest of all time, it’s a time period that you never want to end. Waking up in pure bliss because your heart is growing fonder for this relationship, falling in love over and over, again. Texting and calling throughout the day to make sure he’s not stressing at work, and him checking on you because he misses you. Being excited to make it home from a long day of work to lay up under bae, cuddle, talk, make sweet love. The sex is bomb because the chemistry between you two are like fireworks. What can top this feeling, nothing! There are no words that can describe this happy feeling in the air, nothing but love and happiness. And then…

The Bad Times

The Bad times don’t last long but they do take a lot out of your relationship. You lose focus on what’s important and how to make your relationship grow. The arguing is as consistent as it would be “in the ugly times” but it’s enough to make you go out and ponder what’s going on. This is a phase of ups and downs, one-moment y’all are cool, and the next your bickering for no real major reason. It just seems like you may need a little “me time ” which for some people getting some fresh air, or going for a walk to help clear your mind will get the job done. A lot of the time we bring home the frustrations of the world home and drop them on our partner’s lap without even knowing it. It’s ok to let him know how your day went, but it’s another to be angry and upset with him because of something your boss said to you.

Home is supposed to be your happy place, where there is peace and serenity. If you feel that you don’t have peace at home, or you all are arguing about the most dumbest thing I would advise you two to come together and have a long talk (without fighting) find out what issues are bothering him and vice versa. You can even pray about it and bring peace back into the atmosphere.

Where there is Love, there is also Peace

The Ugly Times

The Ugly times in a relationship will have you questioning your sanity. It’s worse than the bad times, it’s so much miscommunication that it will start to make you feel sick. Most times you can’t fully get your point across because either it comes out wrong, or it gets taken the wrong way. You began to think is this even worth fighting for, what are we doing, what am I doing?Constantly arguing, not being able to hear each other’s concerns, wants, or needs. On top of all of that, there is minimum to no sex, because of the lost of communication, there is no sex drive only frustration.

Not being able to see eye to eye has to be the worse.

It’s like no matter what you just can’t seem to get along. Every word, and every thought, and every feeling becomes a fight. The disrespect, dishonor is at an all-time low at this stage. Your only focus is to hurt each other with your words and actions something has to give!

Now, it is starting to affect your work, your off,  and everything feels like it’s falling apart. There is no win situation because your world is tumbling down. You began to feel as if you can’t breathe because there is no peace within your home. Something has to change but you don’t know what to change or how to change things. It’s a struggle sometimes, but if your relationship is going to work, you both have to reconnect and do the work apart (working on self), and together (working on the relationship as a whole).

Prayer does change things! This is not just a saying, this is real life situations.

Pray together, go to church together, turn your whole focus back to God, learn how to love each other the right way. God will lead you but you have to be willing to follow. Marriage/pre-marital counseling will always help in order to get the relationship heading in the right direction.

God Bless,

Taynia A. Coleman

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur

Website: www.tayniacoleman.com

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

Picture Credits: http://www.unsplash.com

Follow Ms. Taynia on INSTAGRAM

taniya

Is it Time to Forgive? — Get INSPIRED

 

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What’s a relationship without trust?

This can be within any type of relationship, from your childhood teacher, to your pastor, to your mother, to your significant other, to your dog. If there isn’t a level of trust, love, respect, and understanding then what’s the point of wasting any time at all, right? For so long men and women stay stuck in an empty relationship because the trust is far gone and they don’t know how to get it back.

Let me tell you, it takes a ton of work to trust again, but it all starts with forgiveness. In order to forgive anyone, you have to first start with forgiving yourself, and then forgiving the one who hurt you.

Un-forgiveness brings about a burden in our lives and it weighs heavy on our hearts. As women we often times are hurt more than men because we wear our hearts on our sleeves. Once we decide to give away our hearts we expect to be treated with love.

The pain, the hurt, the rejection, the broken trust can linger on the inside for a long time if we aren’t careful. Within any relationship, we have our ups and downs, the good times as well as the bad, and let’s face it a lot of the time we do things to hurt the ones we truly love. Quite often we need forgiveness ourselves and that is why it is very important to keep our feelings and our better half feelings at the top of our thoughts. They don’t want to be hurt just like you don’t want to be hurt.

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A lot of the time we hold on to un-forgiveness without ever knowing. Un-forgiveness can flare up if we think about the person, and/or if we see the person. If we get angry or upset then un-forgiveness is still lingering. If seeing them or thinking about them puts you in a bad head space, then let’s face it, you are still letting them control your space, time, and energy.

You really haven’t forgiven anyone not even yourself for dealing with that particular relationship or situation. It’s simply called out of sight out of mind. Meaning if you don’t see the person you will not think about them and because you no longer see them you sense a form of letting go, but in actuality, you just put it to the back of your mind. This causes a reaction every time you see them, think of them, or think of the situation, it takes away from your energy. It’s not healthy and it causes sickness to form up in your body. The Bible says in Mark 11:25-26 that simply we can’t be forgiven unless we forgive others. This is a great principle to live by and to honor.

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Let’s stop with the pity party and forgive, first work on forgiving yourself. You may not forget but forgive and move on. Most times it will take a lot of prayer, tears, and understanding but it will be worth it because you cannot stay mad at yourself forever. Then work on forgiving that person and/or situation because you don’t want your un-forgiveness to turn into bitter and hate. Lastly, after you’ve forgiven pray and ask God to forgive you!!!

God Bless,

Taynia A. Coleman

Picture Credit: Pixabay

Follow Taynia A. Coleman on INSTAGRAM

 Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur
taniya

via Is it Time to Forgive? — Get INSPIRED