Tips on Self Love & Self Care

As women or as people, in general, we are constantly going, going, and going. Most of the time it is never for self, but for loved ones, our spouses, children, parents, siblings, friends, the job and we are never taking the time out for self. In life, we were taught to pretty much keep going and never to take a moment to stop and take time to evaluate self and properly heal ourselves. In life, there are times where one must slow down to pace ourselves so that we can maneuver through life the correct way. Let’s be real sometimes your brain need a break or a new focus, and how can you get refocused without being still? Your body need rest as well.

Sometimes we have to steal time to regain composure for ourselves

Being still in order to get clarity or to get direction and guidance from the Holy Spirit or as some may say your inner/higher self, the first step is to stop and listen. That is the mission. To do that you must take time for self even if you sit for five minutes to calm yourself and/or pray. This practice will bring you peace, relaxation, and inner healing. As time goes on you may want to increase the time to 15, 30, 45 minutes up to an hour is the goal (something I am still working on myself). Pray, meditate, be still, or just sit write and listen.

Make a decision to take personal time out of your day, your week, your month to love on yourself. This can include going for a walk, sitting by the water, going to get some ice cream, getting your nails and /or hair done, a massage, going to get a checkup, taking yourself on a date etc.

Sometimes we need to take our minds off of the heavy reality of this thing called life. Especially if we want to find peace and be at peace in our lives.

7 tips on self-love & self-care (in no particular order)

  1. Be Still (talk to God and wait for an answer)
  2. Accept what is & what isn’t (you can’t control everything)
  3. Never compare or compete with others (you never know what they had to do to get there)
  4. Stop overthinking EVERYTHING!!!
  5. Take walks to clear your mind
  6. Sit by the water/fire and relax by reading a book or writing
  7. Always practice gratitude be thankful

Last but not least if you have lost yourself in the process of life you must learn yourself again. Find out what your likes and dislikes are, what you like to do and what you don’t like to do. Find the real you on this self-love journey. And remember it is not selfish to love on you because if you don’t love yourself how can you ever believe that someone else will truly love you.

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Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Author, Blogger, Realtor, and Entrepreneur

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

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Reflection of 2018

Looking back to say thank you, Father! 2018 has been a life-changing year for me. I have accomplished some amazing things that a couple of years ago I didn’t have the faith to step into. Things that I could not have even dreamed of has taken place in my life this year, and for that, I am forever grateful.

I have learned that when challenges come into play to take my mind off of the negative and focus more on the positive outcome. Staying optimistic gives me that option to push forward because I know once I get past the negative or “the hard stuff”, the good is right in the brink of things. In the darker days, there will always be light at the end of every tunnel, but it is up to you to get to the end of that tunnel.

Setting goals and setting deadlines are the models for 2019. Being my own boss…

I have been self-evaluating, listening to motivational speakers, getting coaching, and doing the work in order to change my life. It has put me in a greater place spiritually and mentally, it has lifted my focus and made me find my definite purpose in life. I no longer will stay stuck in life because I refuse to live that way. I am on a new path, a new journey that will no longer allow “getting stuck” to be an option for me. I am just so excited about what life has to offer.

If you want something different in life, you cannot be afraid to be open to trying something new.

By doing the work and staying positive with life is the only way that I was able to deal with death this year. I have never had someone pass away in my life who was so close to me…to never return to me. I lost my one and only aunty October 12, 2018, and it was very devastating for me and my family. At times I found myself brokenhearted, sad, mad and confused because I knew it wasn’t her time to go. She wanted to do so much more, but I had to realize that she suffered every day with pain in her body. So just maybe it was her time to go be set free from pain at least this is what I will forever have to believe. To my loving aunty rest peacefully and I love you!

Doing the mental and spiritual work is not a one-time thing. This is an everyday thing, this is a life journey to keep sane, to keep going, and to stay happy. In all things keep God first and He will direct your path!

2019 is the year of Manifestation so all the things you have been working toward will start coming to past. You must first set the goals, and write the visions, you must do the work in order to create the change you are looking for.

Order Your Book An Unnecessary Breakdown Within Your Relationship

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Author, Blogger, Realtor, and Entrepreneur

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

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My Pain became My Purpose

January 15, 2013, a lot had changed for me. I DIVORCED a lot of difficult situations in my life. I left behind emotional pain, emotional turmoil, uncertainty, unbalance, depression, sadness, drama, mental and physical abuse, pain, rejection, sickness, and most of all I let go of a toxic marriage. Now, at the time I was going through all of this, I couldn’t see any of that, but today looking back over my life I see it all. I thank God for giving me the strength to find myself again, to find happiness again, to find joy again, and most importantly to find love again.

I was hurting, I was devasted because I couldn’t believe love didn’t love me.

Trapped in my mind, but most of all trapped in my heart along with my emotions. What was I to do in this situation, I couldn’t believe how things took a total turn for the worse. But, this was life, this was my life. This was my story I became torn between doing the right thing or still living a married life as a wife to a man that was already too far gone. I decided to do my own thang and eventually that wasn’t good enough anymore because I still felt an empty void. I searched for myself high and low, but I was nowhere to be found. I became cold and dangerous, I could care less about what was going on around me. There was no peace to be found, I began to drown my sorrows with liquor and wine. It was just me myself and I trying to figure out my next move, my escape, THE plan of action but I came up with nothing. Maybe because I did not want to be looked at as a failure is why I put up with so much. I can’t really tell you why I spent 9 yrs in a marriage that was really over after 3 yrs, but what I can tell you is that I learned a lot about myself and others. A lot about life, relationships and the lack thereof, I learned to depend on God more and to trust Him completely in the darkest time of my life.

I learned to let go of things that no longer serve a purpose for me in my life.

It’s no point of holding on to something that hurt you and brings harm to your body. Just let it go and if it’s meant to be, whatever it is, it will find it’s way back to you.

No drama, no setbacks, no more confusion just peace within my mind. No more staying up late nights concerning myself about someone else. I had to give it all to God, and the moment I fully put my trust in Him I became much clear with my purpose, my vision, and my passion here on earth.

How can you help somebody if you have never experienced anything?

My purpose is to serve others that’s been broken and left to pick up all the pieces. My purpose is to show you how to heal your heart and to love yourself again. My purpose is to show you how important forgiveness is in your life. My purpose is to show you how to turn your pain into your purpose. We were all out on this earth for a reason and I don’t believe it was just to suffer. Whatever you’re going through be sure to learn from it and grow from it.

In my upcoming book An Unnecessary Breakdown Within Your Relationship it will give you the keys to being in a happy space, keys to having a healthy life and keys to having a happy relationship. It will teach you how to forgive and be forgiven. After each chapter, I have included very powerful prayers to pray for yourself and your spouse. If you are going through a rough patch then this book will be for you.

Preorders will be available soon. As always GOD Bless!

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Author, Blogger, Publisher, and Entrepreneur

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

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Making a list and checking it twice! Your Next Relationship will be Your Best Relationship

Write the vision and make it plain

What do you really want out of life and/or a relationship; think about that for a moment. That has been ringing in my head for days now and let me tell you why. I remember just going through a divorce and a year and a half later I decided that I was ready for a “real” relationship. Knowing exactly what I didn’t want in a relationship I created a list of everything that I did want and desire within a relationship. I put down all my dislikes on one side and all my likes on the other side.

It took me some time to compile the list because it became very complex once I started thinking about my worth and values, the things you want, need, and desire is very important. Knowing everything I wanted and deserved I believed I could obtain it. This was my only strategy for gaining a better relationship. It is imperative that you understand that I also had to work on myself through this process, to make sure that I was really ready for a relationship.

Sometimes it is easier to point out what you want and don’t want in a man, but what about your flaws, why would a man want to deal with any of your baggage/drama. No one wants to deal with drama so maybe it’s time for you to do a soul search and take inventory of yourself.

You have to do the work, it is imperative that you do.

Never start off a new relationship without breaking soul ties from your previous relationship/s. Do not bring anything or anyone else from your past into this new relationship because eventually there will be a breakdown. If you are still stuck in a past relationship, or a past hurt then maybe right now is not the time for a new relationship. Get yourself together and make sure you are ready for a new future with a new person.

DO THE WORK

After you’ve taken time out and did a little soul searching, then you will be able to compile two lists. One of the things you want and don’t want inside of a relationship, and the other of good and bad traits you do or don’t want in a man.

Start by listing the characteristics that you are looking for within a man on one side. Then list the characteristics that you can live without on the other side. For instance; if you love a man with a sense of humor write that down. Write down all of your likes and wants on the left side, and on the left side write down all of the dislikes. If you’re always happy and optimistic, then you do not want a pessimistic person in your personal life especially a significant other. In this case, opposites does not attract because a pessimistic person will find the bad in every situation which will become very draining, frustrating, and exhausting to a positive person.

After you are done making the list hang it up on your mirror (inside your room), or on your bedroom wall just so that you can see it and read it often. This will allow you to speak what you want into existence several times a day.

Knowing what you want, knowing the person that you need to become, and working toward that dream should be your main focus in life. Nothing else even matters at this point. Just focus on living your best life and do the work in order to manifest it.

God Bless!

Taynia A. Coleman

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

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Mindset MakeOver

Stepping into 2018 with the right tools and the right mindset is so imperative. You should see nothing but better for your situation(s). Speak Life into Every situation and weed out all the negative thoughts, weed out all your fears, and instead of worrying…PRAY while PUSH(ing) your way through.

            It can’t stay dark forever

Knowing that there is GREATNESS on the other side should be just enough motivation to get your creative juices flowing. It’s never to late too start, as long as you start. It doesn’t matter your age, shape, or color God has a purpose for your life, but until you take action it will never manifest.

What could you do to help change.  your life in this very moment, that’s right; it all begins with a thought; a positive thought.

Take some time out to write out the vision God has given you, also ask God to reveal the sources and resources to you. In order for your vision to come to past, you must have the right sources and resources. God will start sending the right people in your life just when you need them.

Be quick to listen, take notes, and dig deeper for a greater revelation. It is true that God reveals, but you have to have a clear mind to hear, be willing, and obedient to grasp this thing. It is imperative that you do your part! Above all else please, stop doubting yourself! If He brought you to it, you better believe that He will bring you through it.

Be great, be you, and be #destinedwithapurpose in everything that you do, because if there is no plan with your purpose then your wants and desires won’t go very far.

Takeover your life by making up in your mind that you will no longer stay in the (mind) prison that you have trapped yourself in.

Here are five quick steps to get you started:

1. Train your brain to think positive. Every time there is a negative thought cancel it out and replace it with a positive thought. Start to pray if you can’t think of anything positive to say.

2. Surround yourself with positive people.

3. If you’re  in a negative environment start making your exit plan. How can you receive a breakthrough if there is never any positive energy?

4. Start listening to motivational speakers/music, read books, and do daily Affirmations several times a day.

5. It is important to get a journal and a planner in order to keep notes, ideas, visions, and plans. Order your weekly 2018 inspiring planner today.

In this time of your life, your main focus should be you and God. If you do not allow yourself to heal and grow how can you be any good for anybody? You just can’t! It’s okay to take time out to work on yourself. You must feel good about your life and the situations that concern you. Now, this is no walk in the park, you must do the work in order to bring change to your life. Don’t give up because you remained positive for one day and nothing happened. It’s happening everytime you position yourself for better, everytime you redirect your thoughts you are making a change. Stay content, stay consistent, and be humble because this is only a test, a test that you must pass this time.

Never give up on yourself because God is not through with you! You’ve got work to do. Write out your #goals and #affirmations and get started.

Welcome to #positivevibesonly status. Be blessed.

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

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Marriage: For Better or For Worse

I, (name), take you (name), to be my lawfully wedded (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

Everybody is all for it when everything is smooth sailing. When the finances are just right, the bank account tight, the children are healthy, no one’s arguing and fighting, just contentment. When life falls into place for us we can’t help but be on a natural high because there is no stress, no failure, no pain, no suffering, no tears, everything and everybody is all walking on one accord. As much as we would love for it to stay this way life can happen at any moment. And what I mean by life, it means the roller coaster ride of the ups and downs of life, the tragedies, the attack on our marriages, the family, the silent drug problem, alcohol addiction, gambling, lying, cheating, deceit, your children are acting out, etc. It all can happen at any-time, it all can fall apart at any moment if we let it. Problems that we are dealing with internally, within ourselves can become even bigger if we don’t stop it in its tracks.

Change is inevitable we have to learn to embrace it head-on.

It’s important to stay prayerful and watchful while going through the good and the bad times.

You never know when you will need one of those prayers to pull on.

The bad times within a marriage can take a toll on the entire household.  The children can feel the effects and the stress of the arguments, and more than likely they will begin to act out. The first step is to try your best not to argue in front of the children, whatever it is should be discussed privately. Which is the hardest thing to do sometimes when you have to get things off your chest, but trust; there will be less confusion within the household.

Children should not hear every disagreement between you two. Only bring a situation to them after you and your significant other have come to a conclusion concerning them. By doing this it will not make them feel as though they need to choose a side. Stability is the key to winning in this area if it is an area of concern. Children need stability and consistency.

It is a balancing act especially when children are involved.

It is important to keep an open dialog to stay on track.

When you think about marriage you think of all the pretty things, all the excitement, and happiness but that’s not all marriage is. Can you stand the test of time, when things are turned upside down? Are you only invested in your relationship when everything is good, and not present when it all goes down? This is something to really dig deep and think about for a second. Did your vows mean anything to you at all or did you just say them because it is what’s normal?

In this instance, you should have realized, that it is very imperative to mean what you say and to say what you mean.

Get your vows out and think about what each and every statement mean to you. Try to figure out if you are in this for the long run, or just for the “good time” that don’t last always. Think about if you have your significant other back if they fail to be who you thought they were, or if they are struggling with something eternally. Are you the person that they can trust, the person that will never leave their side. For better or for worse, do you really mean it, it is definitely something to think about.

As always prayer and communication is the key to stand the test of time within any type of relationship. May God Bless Your Union.

God Bless,

Taynia A. Coleman

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur

Website: www.tayniacoleman.com

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

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via Marriage: For Better or For Worse — Get INSPIRED

Daughter of A Daughter 

A daughter of a daughter, a child of a child, my mother had me at the tender age of 15 years old. Coincidentally; her mother, my grandmother (the youngest of her siblings) had her first born at the age of 15 years old as well (talk about family history repeating itself). Being that my mother […]

Blended Families

Some families are created in different ways but are still, in every way, a family

A blended family starts with a couple that comes together with children from a previous relationship. Sometimes they may not have children together, but when the family comes together his children become her (the wife) children, and her children become his (the husband) children. The children now have additional siblings and at first, it may be a bit much or the family can all come together perfectly. It just depends on where everybody is, as far as their thought process. It is important to make sure that everyone understands that they are important in this new family role and that they are all loved the same.

Turn Your House Into A Home for Everyone, and Fill It With Love

pexels-photo-259588Everyone is coming from different backgrounds with different teachings and different experiences. It is important to keep in mind that everyone has to adjust to a new situation, there will be a lot of agreements and disagreements, as you figure out this new life. No one is expected to get everything right, with parenting there are a lot of trial and error that occurs. You are still learning each other and trying to find out what everybody likes are, and what their dislikes are. Golden Rule: Never put pressure on a person, give everyone proper time to get used to the family, and the bonding will start to take place.

Life is what YOU make It

At times I know that it does get hard, especially when teenagers are involved because no one likes change. They are used to having their mom, or their dad to themselves, and now having to share them can be devastating to a child. It could make or break the relationship/family, but the key is to stay strong, stick to what you have developed as a family, and everything will fall into place.

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Being that I am from a blended family, and my family is now becoming a blended family I do have a few tips to offer.

  1. Family meetings are very important. It gives a chance for the parents to lay out the ground rules and get a feel of what everyone is feeling. In this meeting establish that the other adult/parent has the same authority as the other, let it be known that respect is expected on all ends.
  2. Family nights bring on a special bond while having fun. This can be from sitting in the house having movie or game night or finding activities outside of the house.
  3. Keep all lines of communication open and clear. It is important for the parents to be on the same page, and also, it is very important to get the children opinions. If someone is having issues adjusting then it must be brought to the table.
  4. Prayer is always essential; remember a family that prays together stays together.
  5. Always make sure that the children are comfortable with this new life. Take some time out just to hear their thoughts and concerns and come up with ways for everyone to adjust.

God Bless,

Taynia A. Coleman

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur

Website: www.tayniacoleman.com

Email: tayniacoleman@gmail.com

Picture Credits: http://www.unsplash.com

Follow Ms. Taynia on INSTAGRAM

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Falling In Love; For Real This Time

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Just when I had given up on love, just when I made a commitment to stay focused on me, here comes real love. This love is a love that I have never known, it seems like a fairytale the way my hurt melts looking into his eyes. This love is what I thought I had way back when, but in reality, it doesn’t even compare. No disrespect, but there is a huge difference between someone saying that they love you, and someone actually taking the time out and showing that they love you.

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You see, he will always take the time out, to make sure that you’re safe and secure. You will be able to feel his love miles away because his heart beats that strong for you. It’s an indescribable feeling because it’s something so real.

Once you find real true love you will know because NO-THING can compare

Now I’m not trying to brag, just trying to drop some knowledge to you.

Like Erykah Badu says: Love of my life
You are my friend
Love of my life
A dude I can depend, yeah, yeah Love of my life
Feels like a simple true love, yeah

Real love is out there, you just need to be open to it. You too can find love again. Whatever, you have been through should always be a lesson of what NOT to do, again.

Real Men do still existence we just have to stop going for the first guy that says hello. You’re worth way more than that and you have to know and believe that. Your value is as precious as rubies per Peoverbs 31:10.

Proverbs 31:10

(KJV) 10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

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God created you to be virtuous and to take charge, but also to be soft, gentle, and to be a helpmate to your husband. You can’t be the help he needs if you’re always in charge. You have to know when to turn it off and when to turn it on. What works out in the field will not fly at home, because God called the man to be the head.

Sometimes we have to step aside and let the man lead and guide us.

He is there to protect you, lead you, and guide you. He is there to love you like no one else ever will. If you are not able to let him lead, then maybe you should say a quick prayer and ask for God to lead and guide you. Ask God to show you how to step back and let your husband lead, and TRUST me…God will show you.

Lastly, Ladies, if he is leading you the Godly way, and properly investing into your relationship, then let him stay focused.

God Bless

Ms. Taynia A. Coleman

Owner of Destined With A Purpose, Blogger, and Entrepreneur
Picture Credits: http://www.pexels.com

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